‘I Hate My body’: 5 Tips to Improve Body Image
What is Body Image?
As a therapist who treats body dysmorphia and other body image issues, I hear the most painful beliefs clients have about their bodies. So many clients sit on the couch across from me and say something about their dislike of their appearance. The immense pressures to look a certain way come from all directions: family, culture, society, social media, movies, peers, healthcare providers, racism, colorism, fatphobia and so much more.
If you’re a human being in this world, you’ve absorbed messages about what “acceptable” bodies looks like. And you probably feel like your body is the problem and you need to change it.
According to the National Association of Eating Disorders (NEDA), “Body image is defined as one’s thoughts, perceptions, and attitudes about their physical appearance.” Body image involves the way you see yourself, the way you feel about how you look, the beliefs about how you look, and what you do in relation to how you look.”
Body image can be positive, neutral, negative, or a mix of all three. In this post, I give examples of negative body image and how you can take steps towards body acceptance. And maybe even love for your body one day. Below you’ll find examples of negative body image thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and behaviors.
What Are the Components of Body Image?
The Way You See Yourself
I can’t believe how short I am.
My chest is way too big for me to be a dancer.
The Way You Feel
I hate my stomach, it’s gross.
My butt is too flat and weird.
The Way You Believe
No one is attracted to me.
My face should be clear since I’m not a teenager anymore.
The Way You Behave
You wear excess clothing to hide your body.
You don’t smile often because you feel your teeth are too crooked.
If you often tell yourself, “I don’t like my body”, you’re not alone! Nearly everyone has difficulties with body image.
What Do I Do if I Don’t Like My Body?
Developing a more positive body image can take time and is a unique process for each person. But there are steps you can start working on to improve your relationship with your body. If you’re looking to foster more acceptance and love for your body, try these 5 tips.
Focus on Neutrality
Body neutrality is essentially what it sounds like, taking a neutral approach to your body and focusing on what your body can do for you. A body-positive statement sounds like, “I love my rolls and stretch-marks, they are beautiful” whereas a body-neutral statement sounds like, “I appreciate that my body protects me and carries me through life.”
Body neutrality focuses more on gratitude for your body and is less about trying to love every part of your body. It’s important to note that body neutrality should not be dependent on ability. People’s bodies have different functions and someone using crutches can practice body neutrality just like a person who is able to walk without assistance.
Body positivity can feel disingenuous and unhelpful when your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and behaviors are screaming that your body isn’t good enough. Body neutrality can feel more accessible and realistic for some. Try out this body neutral statement when you’re having a tough body image day:
My body allows me to (swim, hug loved ones, experience life, sit by the lake) and I appreciate that.
Think about what your body helps you do in life and fill in the blank with that statement.
Try Affirmations
Thoughts are powerful. How you think about your body and the statements you repeat in your mind have a lot of impact over time. By making some adjustments to how you think about your body, you can start to change how you feel about your body. Thoughts are just one piece of the body image puzzle, but they do matter!
Since positive affirmations can ring false, try these neutral statements. If you don’t love your body right now, these affirmations can help you tolerate it. There are things you can’t change about your body, like your height or bone structure. Some things are determined by DNA and starting by accepting those may be the easiest.
This is how tall I am and that’s perfectly okay.
My forehead is shaped this way and I don’t need to hate it.
You can also try these general statements about your body as a whole.
My body is the least interesting thing about me.
My body is meant to change throughout my life, my body has different needs at different times.
When you don’t try to force love and positivity into affirmations about your body, it’s more likely the affirmations will feel helpful. Get creative with how you use them. Write them in a journal, repeat them to yourself out loud each morning, make art with them, anything!
Avoid Shame
Have you ever tried a new exercise plan or diet, not lost weight or gained muscle, and then felt like a failure? Have you ever tried to eliminate carbs from your diet and absolutely hated yourself when you gave in and had bread? When you focus on changing your body, you’re likely to feel shame when the new changes don’t ‘work’. Shame will perpetuate and intensify the ‘I hate my body’ thoughts and feelings. By avoiding shame, you can instead focus on body-related goals that are kind. This leads perfectly into the next tip.
This short clip by Brené Brown gives a great quick overview of shame.
Set Compassionate Goals
Instead of making a goal based on restriction, change or shame, try goals based on self-compassion. What is self-compassion?
Dr. Kristin Neff says when you’re acting with self-compassion, “You may try to change in ways that allow you to be more healthy and happy, but this is done because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable as you are. Perhaps most importantly, having compassion for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness.”
So if you’re setting a goal related to your body, do it from a place of care for yourself and not from a place of hate for yourself. A few examples are:
I’m going to go for a morning walk 3 times per week because it feels nice to be outside.
I’m not going to drink alcohol this week because my body feels terrible after I drink.
These goals are focused on how your body feels in relation to these behaviors and these goals are NOT about changing your body. And if you don’t hit these goals? Practice self-compassion there too. You can say:
I did 2 walks this week, that’s great. I’ll try for 3 again next week.
I had a few drinks at dinner with friends. I had a lot of fun and next week I’d like to try to be alcohol-free again.
In assessing these goals, consider the achievement of what you DID accomplish and acknowledge how you might want to make some changes in the future. There is no shaming (I failed, I can’t believe I did that, etc) or being overly critical (I am so stupid, What is wrong with me, etc). Remember that goals based on shame or hatred of self will only perpetuate the negative body image cycle.
Like any other type of relationship, the relationship you have with your body takes work and time. There will be frustration, anger, peace, compassion, and everything else in between. The journey is not linear. You may get off track more than a few times. This is normal and this is okay.
The goal isn’t to feel amazing about your body at all times, that’s impossible. The goal is to come closer to acceptance, and maybe even love, week by week. The goal is to go from ‘I hate my body.’ to a more compassionate view of yourself. And to understand that your body is not the problem and it never was.
Have any tips you’d like to add? I’d love to hear! Leave a comment below and let me know what has helped you improve your body image.
Get Help with Negative Body Image
If you’re located in Florida and need specialized support, I’m here to help. Schedule a free consultation today to learn more about how therapy can help you heal your relationship with your body.